March 9th, 2007

complaining, Huffer


I wound up having a quiet night last night. I was planning to see Gaelic Storm with lemur_lady, but she got stuck at work and couldn’t come up to Indy. I could have probably found someone else to go with, but I was feeling a little antisocial and overbooked this week anyway, so I decided to just take a night home alone, and maybe catch up on journaling and MUX posts.

Unfortunately, any time I can’t journal because I’m busy or driving, all I want to do is write. Every time I actually get a chance to write, I get avoidant and procrastinate with every possible distraction at hand. Last night I checked my email, did laundry, took out the garbage, made phone calls – anything except what I supposedly wanted to do, which was catch up on journal entries and MUX posts. Today at work both my manager and my trainer are gone, so I have plenty of time to write, but still I’ve wasted a lot of time checking (but not actually replying to) emails and LJ, and compulsively browsing the web.

It’s a shame, because I actually have a lot I want to think and write about.
icespark and I have been doing well lately, but there’s still a lot of underlying anxiety and mistrust that’s preventing us from moving forward. We are starting counseling this month, so with luck that will help both with our relationship and with issues in general. She was nice enough to come meet me for lunch today, which was especially good since I hadn’t seen her all week.

lildomino and I have been doing very well. We’ve been seeing each other more often without falling into contempt-breeding overexposure. We seem to have worked out most of what was bothering each of us about our relationship, and things have been drama-free and very pleasant for several months now. I’m getting to hang out with her tonight and tomorrow morning, so I’m sure we’ll get to talk more about where our relationship is going.

Nada, on the other hand, I’m very worried about. We keep getting closer, and thus far all is well, but internally I’m constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. With icespark and others, I feel that our incompatibilities can be overcome or worked around. With Nada, there’s simply no chance. This is just fine as far as our current relationship goes, but if we continue to get closer I’m afraid eventually our differences will once again raise their ugly heads.

Things are just distantly odd with sarah9380. I’ve missed hanging out with her, but I’ve been grateful for the lack of drama since she found what she was looking for in her primary relationship with masterlongtom. However, now that she’s moved to Bloomington, I never get to see her, and hardly talk with her at all. I know she’s busy, so I’m trying to be patient. I do ping her every once in a while with calls, email, LJ comments, and text messages, both to see how she’s doing and to let her know that I’m thinking about her. However, Wednesday she said that whatever hope she may have had that I want her in my life has been degraded by the fact that she never hears from me anymore. I'm not sure why my messages don’t seem to be getting through, either emotionally or technologically. I’m not sure what more I can do besides calling masterlongtom’s house again and having him put her on the phone. She did get back to me about the cell phone situation, so I know she’s getting email... I’m just not sure what else to do. With luck, she and I can work out something soon so we get together to catch up, hang out, and maybe even RP....

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